Coming together on International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day

“I can’t even begin to tell you what that was like,” said Troy Slaymaker.

Slaymaker lost his youngest son Chance at 14.

“He was the glue of the family. He made us go,” he said.

Just three years after the loss of Chance, Slaymaker’s older son Travis died by suicide at the age of 26.

“People say time heals. There is no healing; there’s doing your best to learn how to cope,” he said.

Kathie Supiano — director of Caring Connections, a grief support network at the University of Utah — said losing a loved one to suicide is an immense grief.

“There’s a lot of pressure in our culture to snap out of it and get back to normal, but there will be no same normal ever again,” she said.

According to the National Library of Medicine, those who know someone who has died by suicide within the last year are almost four times more likely to attempt suicide themselves.

To help guide grievers through it, Supiano suggests gathering relevant information from a knowledgeable professional, talking to others about your loss, and listening to others who had similar experiences.

“There is not one thing that is going to help you through your grief,” she said. “They should try a bunch of different things so they end up with the support that works for them.”

The pain of losing them both, Slaymaker said, will never go away.

“You do the best you can to get to the next minute. Some moments are unbearable, and I would give it all to just have them for another minute.”

Nov. 19 is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day. There are eight events across Utah bringing people together who have lost a loved one to find support within each other. To find one nearest you, click here.

For more information on Caring Connections and the support they offer, visit their website.

Suicide prevention resources

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or exhibiting warning signs, call, text, or chat the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 which is answered 24/7/365 by crisis counselors at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute. All calls to legacy crisis hotlines, including the old National Suicide Prevention hotline, 1-800-273-8255, will also connect to a crisis care worker at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute as well.

Additional resources

• SafeUT: Parents, students, and educators can connect with a licensed crisis counselor through chat by downloading the SafeUT app or by calling 833-3SAFEUT (833-372-3388)
• SafeUT Frontline: First responders, including firefighters, law enforcement, EMS, and healthcare professionals can chat with a licensed crisis counselor at no cost 24/7/365 by downloading the SafeUT Frontline app.
• SafeUTNG: Members of the National Guard can chat with a licensed crisis counselor at no cost 24/7/365 by downloading the SafeUTNG app.
• Utah Warm Line: For non-crisis situations, when you need a listening ear as you heal and recover from a personal struggle, call 1-833 SPEAKUT 8:00 a.m.-11:00 p.m., 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
• The Huntsman Mental Health Institute offers a wide variety of programs and services including suicide prevention and crisis services, hospital treatment, therapy & medication management, substance Use & addiction recovery, child & teen programs, and maternal mental health services including birth trauma, pregnancy loss, infertility, and perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
• LiveOnUtah.org is a statewide effort to prevent suicide by promoting education, providing resources, and changing Utah’s culture around suicide and mental health. They offer resources for faith based groups, LGBTQ+, youth, employers, firearm suicide prevention, and crisis and treatment options.

Other community-based resources

• NAMI Utah provides education, support and advocacy for individuals and families impacted by mental illness.
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers prevention programs, public education, support for loss survivors, and fundraising for research.
• Encircle Utah: LGBTQ+ family and youth resource center.
• Utah Pride Center empowers Utah’s diverse LGBTQ+ community.
• The Trevor Project: LGBTQ teen resource center.
• U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Mental Health
• Latino Behavioral Health Services
• Center for Workplace Mental Health offers suicide prevention and response for employers.